trust

June 10, 2017
Hugs and Kisses: the oxytocin connection
Oxytocin calms you, and counteracts your stress hormones.  Oxytocin is the mysterious glue that brings you and your partner together in the first place, and keeps you together. The more oxytocin you and your partner have, the stronger your bond. Not only that, but oxytocin is a continually renewable resource!
September 12, 2018
What causes relationship failure?
Couples often ask how many serious ruptures does it take before their relationship is beyond repair. In other words, when is it time to give up? Clearly they are in despair. The answer to this is not straight forward, and here is an analogy to demonstrate the complexities of such a situation.

Say you have a garden, with a patch of lawn/turf that gets a lot of traffic. (This is the vulnerable part of your relationship.) The kids take a shortcut on the way to the front door.  You take a shortcut on the way to the car.  The dog has a favourite circuit of the yard, which includes that particular patch of grass. The habits of life create a lot of wear-and-tear for that patch.
September 22, 2018
How to build trust as a couple?
In another Insight, "How many serious ruptures" I summarised the basis for building trust as a couple.   Firstly, you consistently turn towards opportunities to connect with your partner. Secondly, you acknowledge and talk about any feelings of unhappiness with your partner. And thirdly, you consistently see your partner in a favourable light.  That is, you cultivate a benevolent perspective, where you interpret your partner kindly. Here in this Insight I give much more detail about how trust is gradually and consistently built over time. (Trust can also be eroded over time, but that is not the perspective I am taking here.)