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June 10, 2017
Hugs and Kisses: the oxytocin connection
Oxytocin calms you, and counteracts your stress hormones.  Oxytocin is the mysterious glue that brings you and your partner together in the first place, and keeps you together. The more oxytocin you and your partner have, the stronger your bond. Not only that, but oxytocin is a continually renewable resource!
July 29, 2017
Courageous Conversations with your Partner
I often do a much more extended version of Courageous Conversations when I work with couples, when the issues are much more deep-seated or complex. In my example in this post I’ve set the scene for approaching conflict with a friend, acquaintance or service provider rather than an intimate partner. Often it is easier to learn how to front up with a courageous conversation with someone you know less well. Then you can proceed with your partner in confidence that you have a process that will help you get to the difficult issues.
December 25, 2017
Pick up the “dropped stitches” of relationship
Making repairs, going back to tend to the dropped stitches/opportunities, is ALWAYS worthwhile, although it is harder the further back in the work they are. The sooner you spot the dropped stitches, the more accurately you name them, the earlier both you and your partner pick up the stitch, the sooner your relationship will be back knitting up a storm. It is truly disappointing when I have to spend a lot of time going back over my work to find the problem and correct it. But pretending nothing is wrong will not make the dropped stitch go away.  Denial never works.  Sooner or later the flaw in your relationship will show up.  Not only that, it will get bigger over time if it is not corrected.
January 28, 2018
Tunnel vision? Look wider! Renew your appreciation.
Some everyday examples of how you filter your awareness happen like this. You've never noticed pregnant women before, but now that you are pregnant, you see so many pregnant women down the street!  Or you get a new car and lo and behold you can't believe how many of that model you see on the road. Things which you now value and relate to were invisible before. Learn how your Reticular Activating System work in relationships. You can train your brain!
June 2, 2018
Approach suffering with compassion
Imagine that someone has fallen into a deep pit.  Out of empathy, you jump into the pit too -  you are right in there with them.  You feel a heavy responsibility. You could even find being empathetic very troublesome.   On the other hand, if you were acting from compassion, you would see the person in the pit and reach out to them, encouraging and settling them - from outside of the pit.  You would be in the position to get assistance and make decisions from the  safety that you yourself occupy. Thus you feel kinder and more eager to help. Maybe you are wary of showing compassion, because you worry that you will be drawn into something that you can't get out of. Being drawn into the empathy-pit is indeed something you do not want to do.  On the other hand,  compassion serves you both well.
June 7, 2018
Do you over-function or under-function in relationship?
Are you over-functioning or under-functioning in your relationships? Such fundamental imbalance leads to resentment on both sides, with couples accusing each other of being bossy or being passive-aggressive, respectively. One partner needs to step forward, and the other partner needs to step back. Discover how!