Repair. Grow. Sustain
Learn the secrets, principles and strategies for healthy, happy, rewarding and lasting relationships.
Help you and your relationship repair, grow and sustain emotionally.
You choose: Subscribe to the complete series of Relationship Insights, receive regular new Insights and access to supportive Zoom forums or browse the free insights below and the wealth of resources sitting on my Therapist's Bookshelf.
Still wondering if Relationship Insights are for you? Read this.
April 28, 2018
She married you because you are the strong silent type, and now she wants you to talk?! Why is it that being strong and silent isn't enough? How did you learn that expressing feelings is a sign of weakness - for a man? But a sign of strength for a woman? Do you take for granted that women can speak, weep and express feelings? But that a man stands there, stoic and silent? No matter what his grief, shame or disappointment?
September 12, 2018
Couples often ask how many serious ruptures does it take before their relationship is beyond repair. In other words, when is it time to give up? Clearly they are in despair. The answer to this is not straight forward, and here is an analogy to demonstrate the complexities of such a situation. Say you have a garden, with a patch of lawn/turf that gets a lot of traffic. (This is the vulnerable part of your relationship.) The kids take a shortcut on the way to the front door. You take a shortcut on the way to the car. The dog has a favourite circuit of the yard, which includes that particular patch of grass. The habits of life create a lot of wear-and-tear for that patch.
September 15, 2018
When two people get together as a couple, they bring two completely different ideas of what things mean. Sorting out these meanings takes time. The differences […]
September 22, 2018
In another Insight, "How many serious ruptures" I summarised the basis for building trust as a couple. Firstly, you consistently turn towards opportunities to connect with your partner. Secondly, you acknowledge and talk about any feelings of unhappiness with your partner. And thirdly, you consistently see your partner in a favourable light. That is, you cultivate a benevolent perspective, where you interpret your partner kindly. Here in this Insight I give much more detail about how trust is gradually and consistently built over time. (Trust can also be eroded over time, but that is not the perspective I am taking here.)
September 29, 2018
Finally we get right to the heart of the sexual aspect of your relationship. How you keep sex alive will depend on your own individuality, as well as the individuality of your partner. And of course, how you combine that individuality. The next few Insights will focus on sexuality, so we will cover the subject fairly thoroughly. In this Insight you will be invited into self-inquiry. Self-knowledge is crucial for every aspect of relationship, and especially your sexuality.
November 12, 2018
Login or subscribe to read the rest of this relationship insight as well as all other premium insights from my collection. Check them all out for […]