In Quest of the Mythical Mate

Maps of Meaning
April 8, 2020
RD reads Femininity lost and regained
Femininity Lost and Regained
April 8, 2020

A Developmental Approach to Diagnosis and Treatment in Couples Therapy.

By Drs Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson.


I s romance your goal? Is romance the purpose of your relationship? Are you looking for the one true love, the one and only person who will fit your needs exactly?

Bader and Pearson show that when we pursue a romantic ideal, we miss the real person we are married to or in a relationship with. Hence the title “the mythical mate”. We pursue an ideal that does not exist.

A lthough this was written for therapists, it is equally useful for couples.

In the Preface, Bader and Pearson say, “we have found our developmental model for diagnosis and treating couples to be flexible enough to incorporate a wide variety of intervention strategies, yet purposeful enough to provide a clear sense of direction for couples in distress…Helping couples to help themselves is a goal we find continually challenging, exciting and stimulating.”

This book was written in 1988 when Bader and Pearson were becoming recognized for their revolutionary new ideas around couple therapy, through the Developmental Model. In working with them now, 30 years later, the principles remain the same.

Any couple will find themselves in this book. Therapists likewise. For further in-depth training, Bader and Pearson have developed extensive on-line training that turns Couple Therapy into a highly-skilled calling. Go to The Couples Institute.